5 Gifts for Her Guaranteed to Get You Dumped on Valentine’s Day

The thing that you have to remember about Valentine’s Day is this, for the ladies it’s the one day of the year that they are pretty much guaranteed romance. Screw it up and it could cost you your relationship. The problem is, the fairytales turned out to be a load of old tosh, Prince Charming has a beer belly and despite what Hollywood would have you believe, men simply don’t buy flowers ‘just because’. They just don’t think that way. Heck, men don’t even have the foresight to buy more milk.



The end result is that Valentine’s Day is suddenly a big deal. Flowers, presents and romance are all on the menu and woe betide any man that stands in the way. With this in mind, here are the top 5 Valentine’s Day gifts for her to avoid if you don’t want to get chucked off the relationship train:



1. Gym Membership

Even if, and this is a big if, you have a stick thin wife or girlfriend who doesn’t need to tone up or lose weight and it’s a luxury gym, buying a gym membership as a Valentine’s Day gift for her is a terrible idea and relationship suicide. You might as well send a card saying I love you thunder thighs and write fatty all over her Jane Austen novels. Just ask yourself, what would My Darcy do?



2. Cook Book

Cooking recipes, great. Doing even more household chores on top of all the washing, cleaning and ironing is just what women are looking for…not at all actually. As a general rule, most women feel like they already spend enough time in the kitchen, suggesting she hangs out there even more cooking up an extravagant recipe for you is unlikely to get the loving response or the feast you’re after. In fact, you might just get poisoned.



3. Home Appliances

A huge cliché this one but it happens. Somewhere out there men in search of the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for her end up in the home department at one of the big stores. Maybe they were heading for the lingerie section but chickened out at the last moment, who knows. Either way, cooking pots, Dysons and irons have been signalling death to relationships for years. Of course if that’s your secret intention, chuck in a duster.



4. Gadgetry

Feminism and equal rights may be alive and kicking but at no point in the manifesto does it say that women, like men, are in to gadgets. In fact, unless you’re handing over something iPod-related as a Valentine’s Day gift for her there’s a good chance she won’t even know what it is, or frankly care. Plus, if you’re willing to spend that much money on something that shiny, for heaven sake make it jewellery.



5. Nothing

Whoever still falls into the "no really I don’t want anything" trap deserves to be given a one way ticket to singledom. It’s up there with all the great lies that women tell at the beginning of a relationship, like "oh no I don’t wear much makeup" and "yes, I’ll always want this much sex". Get with the programme and buy something anyway. If she really did say no to Valentine’s day gifts you’ll score extra points. Just don’t forget the card – it’s right back to square one if you forget the card.



Patricia Wong is employed by Gizoo, a leading UK retailer of Valentines gifts. If you're stuck for Valentines gift ideas for the love of your life, you'll find that Gizoo offers a great range of humorous, practical and romantic Valentines gifts for her.